When I met Robbie Williams

The story began when Robbie Williams left a comment under my own comment under one of his songs on Youtube. If you forgot to listen to the guy recently, I strongly recommend to correct this grave mistake and listen to him right now. His voice is amazing: soothing and calming – it helps me to deal with Covid.

So, I commented under one of his songs, and he commented back, which was frankly amazing. Really unbelievable, especially that he wished me the best for this coming New Year and ended up saying that he loves me. I answered that I love him back, which is absolute truth, as I love Robbie Williams with all my heart. I discovered him during my first ‘psychosis’ in a psychiatric hospital in Amsterdam – he was singing then to me via the TV, and I remember telling myself: ‘Thanks God, there is this kind of music’. It helped me, honestly, to deal with subsequent psychoses and especially with the psychiatry, as his words from ‘Feel’ when he sings ‘my head speaks a language I don’t understand’ is precisely what I often reply to the stupid questions of the psychiatrists. Yes, I hear voices, and it’s a voice of God.

We exchanged then messages, he started to write to me via my Facebook profile. I would think it was a scam, if he offered me money. But thanks god, he didn’t, but he offered me friendship – exactly what I need. Who wouldn’t want to become a friend with Robbie Williams??? Show me this person!

His language capacities are amazing, he can write well. Of course, it’s Robbie Williams, and I replied to him also in my best English, and added that I also speak Russian, French, and Dutch, all fluently. The conversation continued until he ended up offering me a job as his interpreter, when he needs one, and I replied that it was really needed, because he, quite obviously, thinks that all Russians are boring and that we party like an oligarch, but I hasted to reassure him that I am definitely NOT boring, just slightly insane and that I hate the oligarchs and what they stand for, and I do know how to party. My best gay friend back in Moscow will show you how to party – I wrote to Robbie Williams and he replied with a big ‘LOL’ back.

The story progressed towards the contract. I needed to sign some papers of disclosure which I reassured him I would do, provided I could occasionally write also about Robbie Williams as a writer, because his own personal writer is definitely boring, and I can do it much better.

I didn’t ask about the payment because I am ready to work for Robbie for free, just give me his friendship, and thank you very much, I do have already an excellent job at a university where I am paid good money for good work. Still, I asked for 100 pounds an hour, because I value my time and if I am an interpreter, then it’s a job too, since I have a diploma as an interpreter, and also two masters degrees and a PhD. My French is at a native level and so is my English. I speak with a nice accent, because I like them, the accents, and I love languages in general, and in English language I hear Robbie Williams, the color orange and if I can assign an animal to this language, – it will be a cat. Previously, I thought it was a Monkey.

So, he offered me a job but then the most disturbing thing happened. My psychiatrist called me delusional when I said that I had gotten a job offer from Robbie Williams. There was a suspicion of the beginning of another psychosis (my divine state of mind) and suggestion of an increase of my dose of medication.

‘’No,’’ I said! ‘’Here is the proof!’’ And I would show to my doctor the exchange of messages and our jokes, and the psychiatrist laughed and told me it was all a hoax, but I laughed back into his face.

So, you might wonder how the story progressed? I don’t know yet, but I think I will leave another comment under his song and wait for another reply.

And so, it goes.

On the matter of paranoia

You know, occasionally, I have this feeling that I am witnessing the stuff which most people don’t even find normal. Such a profound immersion into my own  head, in order to ask questions and reanalyse them deeper aand deeper. I often ask myself about things in a deep and profound way, for instance: why did September 11 happen, why was Sadam Hossein executed on a scene in front of some willing spectators, reminiscent of Big Brother, why is there such a crisis in most African countries, why there is war between peope, and so on. In my head I find  always the same equation: why, where, what, by whom and chronologically WHY.

The answers I find in my own  head often susprise me, in a unexpected way. I often see things, and I hear. I hear the transmission of signals among humans, and I see at once whether a person is good or not at all. Behind some beautiful eyes, I often see envy and a jeulous stare.

Those who can see and hear, even if what they see is actually real, can’t say anything aloud as then they are at danger of endding up under the supervision of a psychiatrist. And most of them, are busy to shuting down all the signals you get, because they don’t want  that you to know the truth.

The truth, you see, is a scary thing.

My paranoia tells me that the second world war never ever ended, that it adopted a new approach, such as sending bad reiki masters to brainwasch our brains. In Russia, it was hypnotiser Kaschpirovsky who fed lies to the whole Russian nation, encouraging them to buy ‘coupons’ that would simply give the money back to the oligrachs. But in the West, you have trashy really TV shows (except for X-Factor, obviously), intrusing advertisising, fake news to ecnourage you to do bad stuff: such as voting for Brexit in the UK.

Paranoia is a powerful thing, because it doesn’s appear out of the blue. The event of paranoia needs a reason: such as a bad story in one of the magazine, some celebrity’s dirty secrets (the result of it for me, personally, is that I am terrified of being famous)

In orther words, Paranoia is directly linked to fear, it has a concise abstract entity, where you become afraid.

The important thing is that everyone becomes afaid for a good reason: maybe your parent has hit you in the childhood and now you are terrified of all humans, maybe, like me, you saw Sptember Eleven from the TV and since then can’t help but ask the exact questions that the entire population needs to know as answers: HOW? WHY? For which reason, etc.

Or maybe you are terrified of your boss, and of loosing your position, especially if you work on zero-hour contracts (like I did). You have the feeling that you have no stability, no security, and under such circomstances, you do become paranoic, and start looking at additional explanations that can become even more confusing. Especially when I ended up in a #psychiatric hospital back in Sheffield. It reminded of my concentration camp experiment when I was Anne Frank (and still am(. I can’t help but remember my past life with absolute certainty. Yes, I was Anne Frank in my previous life.

God ( I think it might be a female) didn’t create a world where people should be terried, this was done by humans themselevs, bad jealous, greedy people, who have never enough of money, and that’s why  they  create wars, monstrous dilemma like Brexit, and other suscpicions that something somewhere might happen (the narrative of terrorism) so that they start making even more money via hedge funds.

Today I want you to start thinking of your paranoia and give it a good and profound answer. Ask the exact question, tell to yourself (or GOD) what is bothering you and then try to remember:

Bad people and bad things are around, and it is them who tsranfer to us their negative thoughts. I learned how to listen to them, and it isn’t a pretty sight – the main thought I hear is ‘money’, ‘I want to have more.” It is very bad, as the meaning of a happy life is linked to being fulfilled even with little. Money only does help to find happiness in a strictly material way.

yes, all your what they describe as  ‘delusions’ or ‘hearing voices’ are all real. They do exist. And it is a #crime by #American psychiatry to shut your unique seer ability down.

If you ask me, I think I have a pretty good idea about who they are (I looked into the WW2 when I was Anne Frank)  and saw in there monsters  and saw predators but they were not precisely Germans.

it goes deeper than that.

la paranoia is an entity created by oligarchs and thus who control media back in the UK, real bad witches if you ask me, but NEVER Ever tell all the above stuff to a psychiatrist as they are always catching an easy prey.

Psychiatrist don’t want you to tell the truth so that you don’t tell it to the whole word.

But our world has the right to know:

Second World war was created by Bad witches themselves and while Russia took the main part in eliminating them, they failed to notice the monstrosity of evil mind that constitutes to rule our world in a very bad way.

lets pray for a moment that we will be saved and become even happy.

AMEN

heaven-4

 

 

Voices in your head and how to shut them down

 

Dealing with bad voices in your head is an emergency you have to address in a drastic way. They are real and they are bad.

I don’t hear bad voices in my head, bad voices for me come from the society: they come from bad news on the TV, from adults shouting at children, from cries for help on the streets, from bad humans who try to condition, to dictate, to empower you, and to stigmatize. 

I do hear a voice, and it is my own voice, it is a voice I learned by talking with God. I laugh with him, he helps me through ‘laughing’, while navigating the society of misery, envy and despair. It is a voice which tells me to look at the menu for food, and then study it carefully when you are at a hospital, detained against your will under Mental Health Act, while you come there on your own to ask for help. It is a voice which tells me to laugh at the psychiatrist who tell me ‘you are ill’. It is a voice which helped me to emerge from the damage of psychiatry by inventing an imaginary friend, a voice of my best friend in life. You do need such a friend when you deal with the psychiatry

If you hear bad voices in your head, and they tell you something bad, such as ‘kill yourself’, ‘you are bad’, ‘you are not worthy’, etc, you need to outpower them. You can outpower them via music. 
Put headphones on your head, and go into the music, listen to it. You need to have very good music, just something won’t do. Taylor Swift, and especially her album ‘Reputation’ will help you, as well as some Rachmaninoff. Their energy comes directly from God, or if you don’t believe in God, they come from a space of healing, from people who overcame struggle, stigma, and something bad in their lives. BritneySpears (Blackout) is also very effective. The voice of Ellie Goulding is soothing.

You need to have lots of warm water when you deal with bad voices. Baths, warm shower over your head. Once they stop (the voices), you need to go out, into the garden, into the nature, and tune into birds. They are voices that will relieve you from the negativity you are dealing with.

Hearing bad voices doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. The voices you hear are real, and it does come from the same evilness that the psychiatry emerged from. You are sensitive to it. And they do target you, because they want to get you under their trap.

It all started under the second world war, during Holocaust, when they were doing experiments on humans who came into their concentration camps. It began in Germany, but German people weren’t at fault, Germany became an experiment for the evil mind. They did experiment on people, and they did learn lots of things. They learned that souls are real, they learned that human mind can never be understood, and that kindness and compassion comes directly from the heart, it comes from God. 
They also learned that they can condition people via messages, and they do transfer messages. It is a witchcraft that you can never understand unless you are evil, and you are dealing with evil. You do need very powerful ‘magic’ to survive what you are dealing with (if you are under the psychiatry curse). And you do need to believe in humanity while you are trying to survive. 
The psychiatrists who come into the system now, often don’t understand themselves what they are entering and what they are doing, some of them genuinely want to help (they don’t know how), and you do need their cooperation to outsmart the evil, and win over it, once and for good. There are still people who are good, they are just deeply conditioned, and they are conditioned by evil. 

Madness is not what they tell you. It isn’t you. Madness is wars, killing of people, terrorism, wars between religions, bullying, bad things happening to good people, starving children, September Eleven, hunger, homelessness, people locked up in psychiatric hospitals for life without any hope left, extermination of Native Americans, racism, discrimination of sexualities, and psychiatry as an industry targeting children and vulnerable people.

But I will come back to it in due term, for now, I will tell you a story.
I learned about the ‘experiment’ with voices from P. C. (a real person in real life) was a famous psychologist from the UK. She committed a suicide.
I met P. in Amsterdam.  

P. was in deep sadness when I met her. She presented herself as Pandora to me, and it was through probing her that I learned who she was. She was undergoing electroshock ‘treatment’ and she ended up in a psychiatric hospital after an attempt at suicide. She was very outspoken about the fact that she would still end her life and was in the hospital against her will. She had lost a son in her life. He had died in a car accident.
You can’t overcome grief after you lose your child, you can live only if you start believing that your child is in heaven and that you will meet again. There is no other way, it is otherwise, irreconcilable as an idea.
I don’t know what happened exactly to P., and I wasn’t at her funeral. In my mind I try to believe that she is alive somewhere, that she is still here. She was kind, she was extremely eccentric, she was smart, she was intelligent, she was wearing a perfume and heels in the hospital when I would visit her. 

I read a text on her laptop when she was smoking a cigarette. She didn’t know I was reading it.
Her text (and it is a summary) said the following:

“During ten years of my life I worked in a facility in England. In that facility they were experimenting with human emotions and how to target them. They were actively developing a system of how to separate children from their real parents, and how to incorporate their growing thoughts. For instance, when you say to your child ‘you aren’t worthy’, the child will grow up believing in it. Or if you learn how to transfer a message ‘you aren’t loved’, it will grow a seed of non-love in one’s mind. The idea was to target first parents, separate them from their children, and exterminate love and hope all together.”

I stopped reading the text somewhere in the middle and threw away her laptop. P. was very angry with me for days after, because I had ruined her computer. I had to throw up after reading the text, and for years after I tried to reassure myself that it was just a fiction and that it wasn’t real. After all, it happened in a psychiatric hospital.

You have to believe your own eyes in what you see when you deal with evil. Yes, bad things are real and they do happen. P. was a victim like many others, trapped in a psychiatric journey.
But coming back to voices, they are real. Bad voices come from conditioning, from hysterical parents who tell you that you are bad, from trauma in your childhood, from a bad teacher who shouts at you, from a ‘doctor’ who yells at you that you are sick when you are not, from poverty, and from bad people.

I don’t know whether that facility that P. described is real. I was never there and I don’t want to have a look. 
But having lived my own story till now, yes, I do think that it’s real.
You do need to shut bad voices down. You need to exercise again and again with music, with birds, and from asking someone to tell you the opposite of what you hear in your head. Ask them to tell you: ‘You are loved,’ ‘you are worthy‘, ‘you are beautiful’.